But I still very much love you

“I feel tired all the time, and I’m stiff, and I’m on prednisone, and I look different than I used to. Can we figure out how to rekindle our intimacy in a way that can meet both of our needs but that’s not gonna be painful?”

Rebecca Gillett: Yeah. And I think that communication piece, like you’re saying, it starts way before you even hit the bedroom, you know? And you touched on body image. That’s another thing that happens a lot, when we have arthritis. Our body changes. Not only does our body change, the things we can do with it change.

Iris Zink, NP: I talk to the patients a lot about general health. I wanna make sure, despite everything that has happened, that they’re still eating healthy and they’re still trying to get some kind of exercise and they’re trying to work on being mindful and stuff like that, because that makes you sexy. Confidence makes you sexy, you know? But quite the opposite. And I always quote this study, in 1988, at Michigan State University, I was a study participant in a psychological study where they had men in one room and women in another room, this would never work now, where they had men pick the body image that they thought was the most attractive, and men traditionally picked women who are curvy.

How do we feel sexy for any of that sexy time if you don’t feel good about yourself and your body?

And so, I have shared that over and over and over with my patients: You gained five, 10, 15 pounds? I bet your partner’s gonna think you’re sexy because you’ve got all these curves now. Your partner’s going Australiano meninas quentes to want you to be healthy for sure. But you know, you’ve gotta embrace your new body, your new curves, whatever is going on.

It’s about how the patient’s perception is, and sometimes that needs psychological counseling. And really just kind of regrouping where things are. And we can’t really do this whole podcast without talking about the divorce rate. It’s so high in people with fibromyalgia, and it’s so high in people who are diagnosed with chronic illness, just because of this breakdown of communication.

As we gain weight, as we age, that, for a lot of women, makes you feel unsexy

Victoria Ruffing, RN-BC: One thing I would also, just to throw in there, is don’t underestimate the power of writing. I have had patients who have just written down what it is because they can’t get the conversation going. And so, they write their partner a letter, and for some, that may be the way to start it. And that’s OK. If you’re determined, you can find a way to get that communication going.

Pete Scalia: Maybe in that, writing is part of that, you could, like, even doodle some of the things that will work and maybe not work. You have, like.

Pete Scalia: Right, right. Well, I know when it comes to, like, again, with the mechanical aspect of it, and the physical aspect of it, you know, what are some things that might be able to help people? With me personally, I, obviously going through a difficult time, like, before joint replacement, versus after. Clearly the new hips certainly helped with two kids later. When it comes to overcoming that pain. Are there things that can help out? Like with pillows or some sort of thing physically that could make it a little easier for someone?

Victoria Ruffing, RN-BC: Well, one thing I would suggest is to time your pain medication. Don’t take it 10 minutes before you want to become intimate. You wanna take that at least a half an hour ahead of time so that you’re getting it at its peak.

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